Have courage and be kind

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Images by Disney © 2015. \

As a goal-getter, I usually obsess over the possibilities a new year brings. In years past I’ve filled journals and notebooks with goals, resolutions, and ways I can reinvent myself in the new year. But this year, I was so busy with work and Christmas that I had no energy left to plan at all until the day before the big night. I’ll talk about my goals in a separate post. For now I want to focus on something new I’m trying for 2018: living with a mantra/motto/saying/quote…whatever you’d like to call it.

The night of January 1^st, I decided to rent a movie and was looking for inspiration. I ended up finding Cinderella (2015) – a movie I saw in theatres when originally released, and watched once or twice since. I’m more of a Beauty and the Beast girl so I’ve never thought too much about this movie in terms of my own life, but I did really enjoy it the times I’ve watched it. This time around, I enjoyed it so much I decided to buy the movie on iTunes so I could re-watch at my leisure. As I watched it, one message stuck with me.

The quote have courage and be kind always stood out to me in the movie, and I’ve heard others use it as a personal mantra or buy jewelry with the quote on it as a daily reminder. The days and weeks leading up to 2018 I was trying to live with a more positive attitude and focus on what was going well for me – so I heard this quote, I thought it encapsulated perfectly the thing I was going for that I began to think about it a lot and decided to make it my mantra for 2018.

I want to focus now on how to turn this mantra into action. So I’ve compiled some ideas for you here. First are some thoughts on a couple of big ways to embody this quote. I’ve followed that up with a list of quick ways to have courage and be kind. Also included are some other blog posts I’ve read touching on this topic.

How to Have Courage and Be Kind

Face the day with optimism

I ordered a bracelet with the engraving have courage and be kind to remind myself every day of the positivity Ella brings into her life. Every time I look down on the bracelet, I can imagine myself remembering that each day brings the opportunity to be kind and have courage about the trials and tribulations I may face.

Being kind to others

Ella focuses on being kind to others through the majority of Cinderella by giving people the benefit of the doubt, or choosing to see the best in people. “Treat others the way you want to be treated” goes a long way here. I’ve noticed lately that when you approach someone with kindness, thoughtfulness and sincerity, you almost always get it back. Why not try to focus on building that feeling? On the same vein, going out of your way to do nice or thoughtful things for people is another way to live this motto – you’ll also find yourself receiving what you’re giving.

Putting yourself second to others is the general concept here. It can be empowering to be kind to others – you realize you have the power to turn someone’s day around. However, you can’t sacrifice your own mental health or happiness in the process. Cinderella has a happy ending because Ella learns that she must also be kind to herself instead of solely focusing on being kind to others. A balance between being kind to others and being kind to yourself is the ultimate goal – See Siona’s blog post about this.

Being kind to yourself

Stopping negative thoughts about yourself as they happen is my main focus. There is a lovely moment in Cinderella that I never before caught until the last time I watched it. After Ella and the Prince have been married, they talk about having a portrait done of the two of them. Ella mentions that she hates herself in paintings. But the Prince tells her to “be kind” to herself. Cinderella focuses on how Ella is kind to those around her selflessly. She does chores for her siblings, takes care of her animal friends, and saves the stag. But the movie culminates with Ella being kind to herself: letting herself have the relationship and life she wants, instead of continuing to be taken advantage of.

Equally as important in being kind to yourself is knowing what makes you happy, and going out of your way to do it on a daily basis. This involves making time to do what you are passionate about. For me, I have been more and more into reading over the last 4 months. When I read, I enjoy it for two reasons: first, I like the book itself and the story or topic its about; second, I like feeling productive and that I’m working toward a goal of mine. So I carve out time on my lunch break and before bed to read as often as possible.

Investing in your body and your mind through good health, self-care and positivity is one way of being kind to yourself. Investing in your body can mean different things to different people, depending on what your goals are and what will make you happy. For me, I am slowly eating less and less processed food and going to the gym 4 days a week. It’s an investment in my body because it gives me the short term benefit of feeling accomplished, healthy, and confident, while it also ensures I’ll live a longer and healthier life in the long term. I am trying to meditate or visualize (I might post on this topic later) every day, but in reality it happens a few times a week. I also make sure I carve out some downtime or relax time every day to give myself a break.

Practice Forgiveness

At the end of the movie, Ella meets her stepmother in the foyer as she is leaving the house with the Prince. She turns to her stepmother and says, “I forgive you.” It’s a powerful line for many reasons. It shows that Ella is now in control of herself and won’t be pushed around by her any more – she is making her own destiny now. But more importantly, it shows that even though her stepmother was so cruel to her and tried constantly to ruin her life, there was still a way her Ella to be kind to her. Practicing forgiveness is another way to be kind to others and to be kind to yourself. Letting go of past wrongs lifts the burden off of you and the other person involved.

For me, practicing forgiveness will be a challenge: I have 25 years of grudges to get over! But as I come to a healthier place mentally and allow myself the time to work through my feelings, I find it gets easier to let things go. There is also room for me to not be easily irritated and annoyed in the moment, and realize that the person on the other end of those feels probably never intentionally wanted to make me feel that way. Empathy is not something I naturally come by, but I want it to be a stronger force in my life.

Stand up for yourself and what you care about

Ella’s first encounter with the Prince occurs when she advocates for a stag she meets in the forest. She makes a convincing argument and the Prince lets the stag go free, even though it’s not the way things are done. Ella’s courage to stand up for her beliefs is what brings her and the Prince together, as he is also struggling to stand up for his desires in who he will marry. Standing up for herself is also how Ella comes to get out of the bad situation at home: she asks to go to the ball, goes even though she has reservations about running into her stepmother and sisters, and eventually she leaves the house of her parents even though she feels obligated to stay there.

I am passionate about the environment and I want to stand up for that passion more in 2018. I have already circulated a link to a survey regarding the treatment of waste in my city on social media and signed up to learn more about the issue going forward. In terms of standing up for myself, the work I have to do is internal – standing up for myself in my own mind, before negative thoughts are given space to dwell in my mind.

Don’t let fear control you

Courage doesn’t have to mean running into a burning building or moving to a new country. The kind of courage Ella focuses on involves persevering through fear. For example, talking to that person you have your eye on and getting the conversation started. Or, asking for a promotion or raise at work. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the decision that fear doesn’t control you. For me, I’m going to be doing small things that seem intimidating to me now, but I know I can do: pushing myself harder at the gym even though I am intimidated by the idea of it, and buying a house despite the possible risks.

Quick ways to live this motto

Donate to charity
Do the cleaning around the house without being asked
Offer to shovel someone’s driveway, cut their grass or weed their garden
Offer to grab coffee for a group
Say thank you to retail and restaurant workers
Smile!
Stand up to bullies
Stand up for what you believe in
Take on a new project at work
Sign up for a class on a new skill or sport